Well, We Built Another World (I had a bad bad time tonight) pt. I

I've been switing the tracks of my job search once again the last couple weeks, focusing it and refining it, pointing it towards what I'd like to be doing. Problem is, I'm becoming more convinced that at this juncture, I simply won't be able to get that, what I want. But this puts me back in a bad spot. I'm going to wake up tomorrow, face the job search once again. But I'm lost again. The elation I had this last couple weeks, after that good meeting I had two weeks ago has evaporated. I don't feel collected or focused anymore, I've been focusing on something that is mostly an impossibility, and so I have to go back and redefine. I don't have much to redefine on though. Go after a construction job? I desperately do not want to work construction again, I don't have much time to offer, and I haven't developed good contacts for the industry out here. I feel like I'm waking up in a place I don't know, where I don't know any people, and I'm supposed to walk off and pull off this caper, except I don't know where, or how, or when. I keep thinking that I really should just try and get part time jobs, maybe working at a local coffee shop and video store, or the book store. They won't pay well, and that'll make it a tight fit with my stupid car and it's stupid car payments, but I feel so aimless calling up random executives, to whom I have nothing directly to offer and trying to wangle myself a middle road job at a mediocre middle road place just so I can get half a 30 grand salary and maybe health benefits.

Why did I move here again? For the chance at 8 grand? Is that 8 grand even worth this? I could have made 4 grand in the two months I've been unemployed, instead of going 2 grand more into debt, so so far this choice has cost me a net amount of 6 grand. Another month of no work and car payments, and the uncertain 8 grand will no longer be a savings, just a breaking even. I shouldn't think of it this way. The best part: if I end up working construction, and I just might, although honestly I'm not even sure who would hire me out here, it will be just like took a two month, boring ass vacation from my old job, except now I'll be new again, making equal or less money, and working on less prestigious projects in a place that is colder than baltimore in the winter. What the fuck is the gain in that? really. on the other hand, if I got a job in a coffee shop or a video store: I'd make dick all money, I'd be jittery all the time from the free coffee, I'd have to deal with annoying customers from this whitebread town, but I'd meet people that were sorta nearish my age, I'd get free coffee, free video rentals, and there wouldn't be an expectation that I'd be around too long. There would be little responsibility, and little need to agonize. It'd be boring, but construction would be boring, sitting in an office park at a computer trying to clean a virus off a coworkers computer would be boring. Maybe it wouldn't be that boring. you'd see different people all day, and you wouldn't have to wear a shirt and tie. it'd be two minutes from where you live. YOU MIGHT EVEN MEET GIRL